Menopausal Madness & the Working Woman

I always wondered why women would take Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) especially when all the news linking it to the development of cancers started arising (see link below). That is until changing my bed linen became a daily occurrence and the slightly strange moods morphed into feelings of being overwhelmed or disengaged and unmotivated, we won’t even discuss the bizarre feelings of anxiety! I have always prided myself on being a strong woman that will always step up to the plate when needed. I am the person who makes the hard decisions. I’m the person the family calls on for answering questions like “should we turn off the life support”. Serious. That’s me. I’m the Aunty people call when there is a problem that needs a person who can act sensibly and responsibly under pressure. Not to mention being the super-organised one at work who just rolls up her sleeves and gets on with it. Now I find myself with eye leakage at cute puppy and kitten memes. As I dragged my jumper off for the nth time yesterday, I wondered how professional me would be coping.

Currently I have the luxury of working from home and videoing in for meetings. During my last face to face meeting I was only having slightly warm flushes of an evening. Now the most recent ones are noticeable. So, how does the professional woman manage, in a room full of clients, peers and subordinates to not rip off her shirt and madly fan herself with the most recent financial report? How do you deal with brain fog? What are the alternatives to HRT? Because, I have to say that a couple of days ago if I was working in a corporate environment I would have considered it.

When I went to the TCM Dr she commented that “I’ve caught it early”. This means in terms of treatment my menopausal symptoms will respond better. I now have 15 little black ball shaped pills to take twice a day and acupuncture once a week till I get some balance back. Given I am a holistic health coach myself, I understand that unlike harsh Western medicine, I will not see immediate results. I am also a firm believer in not trying multiple therapies at once, so I am not trying any essential oil or homeopathic treatments; as yet. But I can assure you that at 3am, with zero sleep and another flaming hot wave sweeping through my body I could easily set aside my do no harm principals and eat the heart of a frog, or drink the urine of the endangered long-eared bat! And, and this is an important AND, I am NOT having severe symptoms, not only am I in the early stages, my  plant-based (mostly organic) eating habits mean that I am less exposed to hormones and chemicals in the food chain.

I have been doing a bit of research. By this I mean I activated the female friendship tree and got some tips. I have heard that I should wear waterproof makeup that allows you to sweat, no ladylike glow here, or where no makeup at all, or get your eyebrows and eyelashes tinted (something I already did until my recent accidental conversion to plant-based eating). Put a bundle of tissues in each armpit and leave your jacket on during meetings. Keep a diary to see if you can time the flushes and only schedule meetings when you think you won’t have one (can you imagine what that notation would like it in your diary? 9am Meeting with CFO, 9.45am Hot flush …). Drink as much water as possible. Avoid eating foods that cause your body to smell when it is sweating. In fact, try and avoid altogether because apparently you can just get smelly. Oh, and one last one, always wear at least a panty liner, because minor incontinence is also on the cards. Menopause Australia list 34 symptoms of menopause and peri-menopause. If you weren’t depressed at the thought of menopause, read the list, I promise you will be at least sad and apprehensive. On the upside, you will be informed and better able to manage and make tough decisions.

On a professional note, I recommend being open, whilst you don’t have to discuss each and every symptom, which would also be tactless, you can do what I do, drag out my trusty fan and fan myself. I say nothing unless someone looks at me questioningly, at which point I simply say “that time of life” and move on. You will also be surprised at how accommodating men of your age group and older are. It appears that as we get older there are less and less social taboos. I had a man at the airport the other night regaling me with stories about his wife’s flushes and how he often ended up on the couch!

On a further professional note, it is worth your while to be familiar with these symptoms as we all manage or work with a diversely aged population. To date I have worked with: women going through IVF and men whose partners were; colleagues with children and with children facing difficulties; women going through “the change”; and people my age and older dealing with becoming grandparents (sometimes very unexpectedly) and often at the same time becoming the carer for an elderly parent. All these outside engagements can affect performance. To keep employees productive we need to be understanding and able to provide a flexible and harmonious workplace. Who knows, it might be you who needs a special consideration one day!

After my meditation retreat I will be recommencing my martial arts training. I am hoping that meditation and the discipline of martial arts will assist me in regaining and retaining my focus and sharp thinking.

Some further reading on menopause…

Menopause Centre Australia: http://menopausecentre.com.au/menopause-symptoms-index

Cancer Research UK http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/causes-of-cancer/hormones-and-cancer/hrt-and-cancer

A little happy note from me…

I wish that all of you whose meanderings in the Red Dust have brought you to the menopausal stage of your journey are able to embrace it as the next big adventure. I personally am looking forward to seeing how the way I view and respond to the world changes. And while I probably can’t dance like I used to (in fact, after my nieces 21st recently, I know I can’t), there is always a dance to be found! So I will continue wandering my Red Dust Way and hope I can bring you some wisdom from my menopausal journey.

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Happy Mother’s Day … Or grin and bear it day?

I came across this post this morning. It really challenged me and I felt disloyal to my mother even reading it. My mother and I have a great relationship that is touched with moments of awkwardness. Mostly because she doesn’t understand me and lacks the skills to understand me. Sometimes in a darker, less charitable moment, I think she doesn’t want to understand me. But I know that is only because her life would be easier for her if I fitted the mould of what a daughter should be. What I do know is that she is incredibly proud of me, and even though she can’t understand how I am “happy”, she is pleased that I feel I live a life with meaning and fulfillment.

For me, I confess that in my early 20s I really didn’t like or respect my mum very much. The whole, I should stay home and bake, 1950s housewife model never ever appealed to me. I wanted to be a trailblazing career women in a black suit. It was a very intense time of my life. I am incredibly honest and have always sought to live my life with honesty and (later) integrity. I agonised over cutting my mother out of my life and the lives of my children. I realised then that I had two choices … a life without a mother or a life with occasional (and not-so-occasional) moments of biting my tongue. Fortunately for me I chose life with the tongue biting. I decided to accept my mother for who she is. Warts and all, you could say. And how glad am I that I did. Once I stopped measuring her against my ideal, I discovered a wonderfully generous (if somewhat sexist) woman, who has turned out to be an amazing grandmother and great-grandmother.

So for all of you out there struggling with horrible and not-so-horrible mothers, perhaps see her against the backdrop of her upbringing and her own relationship with her mother. Think about how that might have impacted her and your relationship. And remember always that we aim to meet all challenging people with loving kindness and the challenges they throw at us with equanimity. Only by owning our part in the relationship can we know peace. The choice to be present in that relationship allows the little taunts and digs, and the odd public humiliation, and the sometimes complete and utter lack of their ability to understand and accept you to no longer matter.

Of course, some people are truly toxic and there may come a time in your respective meanderings where you need to wander without each other. If this is the path you feel compelled to take, try to do it without acrimony on your behalf. Own the decision and explain why you are making it. And only do it once, and be absolutely resolute about the changes you require before repairing and rebuilding the relationship. And be fair, there will be changes that your mother may request, and you need to hear those requests and consider them. Lastly, if you are a mother yourself, remember, your children will model their relationship with you on your relationship with your mother.

For those of you that have fabulous mothers, I am so happy for you. And for those of you that are missing their mothers, who are either far far away or have moved on to the next cycle, hold that love in your heart and let it be a beacon of light in your life and the lives of those around you.

**LoveAndLight**

#choices #stepup #ownit #mothers #relationships #family #meanderings #wanderings

My favourite vegan salad

I have only been vegan for half a year and I am loving it. The food is so tasty and filling that I never miss my old SAD ways of eating. The added loss of 17 kilos is also a nice bonus.  So I wanted to share one of my favourite recipes I discovered on my recent vegan wanderings. Have a wonderful day and for those celebrating Easter, I hope you have a great family day with lots of fun for the kids.

http://rawganicvegan.com/vegan-caesar-salad-maple-garlic-roasted-chickpeas/