So often we see people crippling loved ones, especially their children; making them dependent on a toxic drama filled relationship. Turning them into people unable to function as grown ups. Lacking in self worth, lacking in confidence. Filled with so much fear they can’t pursue their dreams. Sometimes they have no dreams because all resilience has been broken down and no skills were ever built to make a PACT with themselves and the universe for a truly meaningful life.
These children grow big not knowing they need to find their Passion and Purpose. Unable to ACT as all Ambition Courage and Tenacity has been stripped from them by vicious tongues that denigrate, belittle and wound; words that should be loving are instead used as weapons, emotional blackmail to manipulate accompanied in a package of twisted love so that the person subjected to it has difficulty in finding good healthy friendships and relationships; and if they do manage, they behave so appallingly that the relationship dies or becomes toxic replicating what they grew big with.
How wondrous is it when you selflessly love and strengthen another person and they choose to stay in your life? And if they spread their wings and fly, you find joy in knowing that a little bit of your loving kindness is soaring with them.
Listening to some new and newish mums talking today I am feeling frustrated. Why are women so ready to sit in judgement of other women? So willing to participate in their own subjugation and of others? All three women are committed to bringing up their children with love and respect. Instead of loving kindness and support they are awash in a sea of judgement.
The judgements that fell harshly on them? One co-sleeps, one had such a difficult time and lack of support breast feeding that she changed to bottle and the other likes to still work part time.
What do I see? Three amazingly strong women juggling children; managing parents, in-laws, friends and “well”-meaning bystanders telling them how they “should” be doing things; coping with sleepless nights; meeting partners needs and wants; all while trying to keep just a little bit of sanity.
What do I think? It’ll take 25 years to know who raised their kids the “right” way. And who are we to judge or wish for a definitive. Think about it. In wanting to be right that means a child is going to grow up unable to function in society. In wanting “your” way to be the “right” way (the only correct way) you are wishing an unhappy life full of suffering on a child.
I co slept, bottle fed, and worked. I was the original party girl too. Dragged my kids from pillar to post pursuing my career. Everyone tut tutted me. My kids have turned out fine. So if you are struggling with people passing judgement on you, ask them to come back in 30 years. Inside yourself lock away the knowledge that you are being the best parent you can be. This is your journey, your path. So long as you make conscious choices, STEPUP when required and own all consequences then you will live a life with meaning and you will pass this attitude and skill on to your children. And that is the greatest gift you can give.
I am so angry. A friend posted a link showing appalling marketing practices on my personal facebook wall today. That disgusting PureGarcinia company has taken to faking endorsement using the beloved Australian magazine, The Women’s Weekly. These “Skinny” pills have been proven to not work. Do a quick Google search adding “Pure Garcinia reviews”. People are losing money, not weight. In a double blind study the group taking the supplement lost less weight than the group taking it.
Women, and men should love their bodies. Not fall into this trap of unrealistic body images. The only diet you should ever undertake is a lifestyle eating path that brings you to good health. If you are in good health then your body will find its own natural weight. I do encourage organic, high raw, gluten free, vegan/vegetarian lifestyles from my own personal experience. I would never recommend a magic pill. None exist. And yes, sadly, I know that from personal experience too.
So that you don’t get caught out I have posted links to the real and the fake sites.
REAL: Australian Women’s Weekly
FAKE: Australian Women’s Weekly