Sitting in judgement

Listening to some new and newish mums talking today I am feeling frustrated. Why are women so ready to sit in judgement of other women? So willing to participate in their own subjugation and of others? All three women are committed to bringing up their children with love and respect. Instead of loving kindness and support they are awash in a sea of judgement.

The judgements that fell harshly on them? One co-sleeps, one had such a difficult time and lack of support breast feeding that she changed to bottle and the other likes to still work part time.

What do I see? Three amazingly strong women juggling children; managing parents, in-laws, friends and “well”-meaning bystanders telling them how they “should” be doing things; coping with sleepless nights; meeting partners needs and wants; all while trying to keep just a little bit of sanity.

What do I think? It’ll take 25 years to know who raised their kids the “right” way. And who are we to judge or wish for a definitive. Think about it. In wanting to be right that means a child is going to grow up unable to function in society. In wanting “your” way to be the “right” way (the only correct way) you are wishing an unhappy life full of suffering on a child.

I co slept, bottle fed, and worked. I was the original party girl too. Dragged my kids from pillar to post pursuing my career. Everyone tut tutted me. My kids have turned out fine. So if you are struggling with people passing judgement on you, ask them to come back in 30 years. Inside yourself lock away the knowledge that you are being the best parent you can be. This is your journey, your path. So long as you make conscious choices, STEPUP when required and own all consequences then you will live a life with meaning and you will pass this attitude and skill on to your children. And that is the greatest gift you can give.

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